Question oposed to Osho.
MY HUSBAND LOVES ME SO TOTALLY THAT HE HAS
NEVER THOUGHT OF ANOTHER WOMAN IN HIS LIFE,
AND WE HAVE LIVED TOGETHER ALMOST TWENTY-
FIVE YEARS. I CANNOT BELIEVE IT ALTHOUGH IT IS
TRUE. WHAT DO YOU SAY ABOUT IT?
I cannot believe it either!
Once there was a man whose name was Unbelievable. He was
married to a very nice woman and the two of them were a very
One day Unbelievable was so sick that he knew he was dying,
so he called his wife and said to her, "Darling, I have spent my
whole life being called by this idiotic name. Now that I am dying
please promise me one thing-not to put this name Unbelievable
on my gravestone. You can put a saying or a picture, anything,
but not my name. I do not want to carry it into eternity."
So the wife agreed. When he died she put a saying on his
gravestone which read, "Here lies a faithful husband who never
betrayed his wife."
From that day people would pass by and read the gravestone
and say, "It's unbelievable!"
Either your husband is dead or insane or maybe you have stum-
bled upon a Buddha! But what is a guy like Buddha doing with
At a beach resort two friends are talking. "Of course, all these
young, almost naked girls are a constant temptation for our hus-
bands," says one.
`Maybe," replies the other, "but I trust mine absolutely. He is
madly in love with me."
"Oh," replies the first one, "and doesn't he ever have some
If a man loves a woman he is hound to love many other people
too, or if a woman loves a man she is bound to love many people
too, because love cannot be confined to one person. If it exists at
all it cannot be confined; if it does not exist at all, then there is
Love is like breathing. If a person says, "I breathe only when I
am with you and the remaining time I never breathe," you will
not trust him. How can you trust him? He will be dead if he does
not breathe when he is not with you. Love is the breath of your
But that's what we have done: for centuries we have condi-
tioned people with such stupid ideas and created so much misery
in the world and so much jealousy and so much possessiveness
and so much hatred for no reason at all. We have conditioned
people with this stupid idea that love can only be between one
person and another, one-to one: if it is true then it is one to-one,
otherwise it is untrue. Just the opposite is the truth: if it is one
to one it cannot be true. Then it is false, pseudo; then it is only
make-believe. Then the persons are pretending and they are being
untrue to themselves-not only to the other person but to them-
If a man is interested in beauty how can he avoid not seeing
beautiful women, and how can he avoid not being interested in
them? The only way is to kill his interest in beauty totally, but
then he will no longer be interested even in his own wife. That's
what has happened: because of this idiotic idea that love has to
be one to one, love has disappeared from the earth. The only
possible way to manage it is that the husband should not love the
wife. He should kill the very instinct of love, be shnuld repress
the very idea of beauty, he should forget that beauty exists in the
world. But then, remember, he cannot love his wife either. Then
he will pretend, then he will go on acting-empty gestures with
no content. If a woman is told, "You have to be in love only with
yonr husband and you cannot even feel interested in other pea
pie," she is bound to lose interest in the husband.
That's why husbands and wives lose interest in each other. They
are constantly quarreling; they go on finding excuses to quarrel.
The real phenomenon is that they are quarreling because their
love energies are not being allowed to flower, but they have for
gotten about it because the conditioning is so ancient. Their par-
ents were conditioned the same way and their parents' parents; it
comes from Adam and Eve's time. It has become so much part of
us, almost part of our blood, bones, and marrow, that we are not
even aware of it; it has gone deep into the unconscious.
So husbands and wives are constantly angry at each other-
sometimes more, sometimes less-and always finding excuses to
be angry. And they look sad. They are bound to be sad, they are
bound to be angry, for this simple reason. All other excuses
are false. I am not saying that they are falsifying knowingly; they
are unaware of the whole phenomenon.
The simple truth is that a man who is interested in beauty will
remain interested in many women; a woman who is interested in
beauty will remain interested in many men. Maybe she is more
interested in one person that is possible-maybe she is so in-
terested in one person that she would like to live with that person,
but that does not mean that her interest in other people simply
disappears; it remains. But if you are going with your husband or
with your wife for a morning walk and your husband says to you,
"Look at that woman. How beautiful she is!" immediately there
is trouble-he cannot say it! There is nothing wrong in it; in fact
you should be happy that your husband is still alive and sane, that
his tires are not flat yet! You should be happy that he is lively,
young, that his eyes can still see beauty, that he can still be sen-
sitive to all that is beautiful. There is no need to feel jealous.
But the husband cannot say it; in fact he will pretend that he
has not looked at the other woman at all. He has looked, he is
looking he may be using sunglasses only for that purpose! He
will find excuses to look at the woman: he may start talking about
the beautiful tree. He is not concerned with the tree but with the
woman sitting under the tree! And the wife knows perfectly well
why he is suddenly interested in the tree; otherwise he is never
interested in the tree.
The wife cannot say to the husband, "This man looks so beau-
tiful!" The husband will feel offended-his ego is hurt. Everybody
carries this idea that "nobody is more beautiful than me." Now
everybody knows that this is sheer nonsense. Everybody is unique,
that is true, but everybody has a few things that nobody else has.
Maybe this man has more beautiful eyes than you have; you may
have a beautiful nose and his nose is ugly, but what about the
eyes? You may have a beautiful face, but what about his whole
People should be more intelligent and they should appreciate;
they should help each other to appreciate. They should say to each
other, "You are right. That woman looks beautiful, that man looks
beautiful." And there is nothing wrong in it. And it is not going
to destroy your love; it is, really, enhancing it, strengthening it.
To communicate with each other so authentically is always a nour-
ishment for love. Whenever you start pretending, whenever you
are forced to pretend, whenever you are forced to say something
you don't want to say and you are not allowed to say something
you wanted to say then love starts disappearing, and distance is
Please help your husband to be alive again, help him to be sani
again, help him to be sensitive again. You must have contribute
much toward his dullness. This is not good, this is not health
This is a state of pathology. If he says that he has never thoug]
of another woman in his life, then remember perfectly well ti
you are also a woman-nothing more, nothing less. Just by t
coming a wife you are not more than a woman. And if he I
no more interest in any woman and this earth is full of beaut
women then he has nothing to do with you either, and b
finished with you or maybe you have forced him to be finis
That's why you say: "I cannot believe it although it is tru
You cannot believe it because you must be thinking of
men how can you believe it? If you are still thinking of
men, how can you beliexe that yuur husbdnd is not thinki
In fact, whenever a man and a woman, particularly hi
and wife, are making love, then in the bed there are nevi
two people, there are always four. He is thinking of som
woman and the woman is thinking of some other m;
woman is thinking of Muhammad Au, he is thinking of Sophia
Loren, and then things go well'
It is always good for wives and husbands not to make love in
the daytime and even in the night to always put the light out so
you can have free imagination; you can think of whomsoever you
want to think. In fact, there is not much difference-basically
there is not much difference. When you come to the fundamentals
it is the same and when you are making love to a woman or a
man you have come to the fundamentals, you have come to the
very rock bottom; now there is no farther to go. And this is good
about nature-that about fundamentals it is very communist;
there are not many differences. All differences are superficial.
But nothing is wrong in being interested. Help him-he needs
your help, because my own experience of thousands of couples
is that it is always the woman who destroys the man. The man
pretends to be the master, but he is not. And women are so utterly
confident of their mastery that they allow him to talk about his
mastery, but they don't bother about it.
They say, "You can say it. That's a good division: you talk about
it-that freedom is given to you but we are the real masters.
One day I went to see Mulla Nasruddin. He was sitting under his
bed. I asked Nasruddin, "What is the matter? Why are you sitting
under your bed?"
He said, "Why not? I am the master of the house, I can sit
And then his wife came and she said, "You coward! You come
out and I will show you who is the master!"
He said, "Nobody can force me to come out! I am the master
so I can sit anywhere I like!"
Now the wife is very fat and she cannot go under the bed, so
I asked the wife, "What are you going to do now?"
She said, "You wait! Lunchtime is coming closer he will have
to come out! And under the bed he can go on talking about his
mastery; above the bed I know who is the master!"
Help your poor husband. You must have destroyed him-not
knowingly, unknowingly; feminine strategies are very subtle. Re-
vive him, bring him back from his grave. Only then will he be
interested in you. And he will be grateful to you.
All couples should remember that by becoming a couple they
are not becoming masters of each other-just companions,
friends. And don't take your relationship for granted; it has noth-
ing to do with possessiveness. Men or women are not things to
possess, they are people; they have to be respected. They are not
means to be used. Husbands are using wives as means, wives are
using husbands as means, and that's why the whole world seems
to be so ugly and so insane and everybody seems to be so mis-
There is no need for so much misery-99 percent of it is our
creation. One percent will of course remain because there are the
limitations of the body The body has to become old, sometimes
it will be ill, someday it has to die, but that is only 1 percent.
And if 99 percent of misery can disappear, that 1 percent can be
joyously accepted; there is no problem about it.