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Why do humans seek love?


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Eugene66
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« Reply #13 on: December 15, 2011, 04:03:08 am »


Love and companionship and to be understood and appreciated by another person is one of our basic needs. It is a lonely life when you can't rely on someone to support you and care for you. Yes, we take a chance on being rejected and losing that love when things don't work out, but we do it anyway because that is the risk we take to have love. We always feel that the next time it will work out, that is called hope. The sad part is when you have been hurt so much that you can no longer take the risk, you harden your heart to the caring of others and expect them to reject and hurt you. I don't care how many times it happens to me, I will fight not to become like that, I want to have love in my life and will always welcome the chance to try again.
No matter how many times we hurt we should always remain open to love.

Oriah mountain dreamer says it best to me in this poem about going through a heartbreak. No matter how many times I read this I can always feel my heartbreaks again and learn her wisdom again.

Night Fears
There is a crying
that happens at night
that does not come
while the light is with us.
There are things that cannot
be evaded
once the sun goes down.
Small nocturnal creatures
with sharp white teeth
silently gnaw at the edges of
belly and heart
when the darkness descends
and the void inside
grows larger.

It can split you open.

And the bone
in the centre of your chest
aches
like the cracked wishing bone
from the turkey breast.

And if we are strong enough
to be weak enough
we are given a wound
that never heals.
It is the gift
that keeps the heart open.
 
Oriah Mountain Dreamer © 1995
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« Reply #12 on: December 15, 2011, 03:29:16 am »

Love and companionship and to be understood and appreciated by another person is one of our basic needs. It is a lonely life when you can't rely on someone to support you and care for you. Yes, we take a chance on being rejected and losing that love when things don't work out, but we do it anyway because that is the risk we take to have love. We always feel that the next time it will work out, that is called hope. The sad part is when you have been hurt so much that you can no longer take the risk, you harden your heart to the caring of others and expect them to reject and hurt you. I don't care how many times it happens to me, I will fight not to become like that, I want to have love in my life and will always welcome the chance to try again.
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« Reply #11 on: March 31, 2010, 02:12:41 am »

Oh you too!!

Damm words can be such a mathematical problem when you get close to ultimate conciousness. How do you explain that? When duality loses its boundaries between the 'this' and the 'that'

Thats why it's best to stop trying and to just "be" When you try to describe your 'being'ness' you just slip back into the density of ego. 2funny

PS: I have to begin promoting my book. There is a competition out and I have to get people to vote for me but now I have to do a sales pitch. It feels so dense for me to commercialize spirituality.
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« Reply #10 on: March 30, 2010, 03:46:20 pm »

My view does not actually differ - but sometimes I have a hard time explaining what I mean, because setting words to it is very hard - because words are so limited - and love really can't be described in words, because it is ALL or rather "EMPTYNESS", and that is an experience very hard to translate into words.

I tried to expand my view in the other subject in the hope that it would be more clear ... not sure it worked though  Wink

Love Dorthe

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« Reply #9 on: March 30, 2010, 01:11:50 am »

Gosh.

I agree all the way. If everyone saves him/herself then the world would not need saving LOL. So in teaching everyone to look oout for themself you ARE saving the world. 2funny

It's beautiful the way the universe always leads back to itself in some way.

I saw in the other thread that your view of unconditional love differs than your view here. I wonder why? Sometimes people look at relationships differently than when they look at the universe and I wonder why?

I love you Dorthe Smitten
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« Reply #8 on: March 29, 2010, 02:30:51 pm »

I totally agree with you that we all need pointers in life – and for me those pointers can be many different people (and situations). Sometimes these pointers are people who live a life that I would never choose myself; ex. people using their anger in an violent attitude toward another being. That is a pointer for me for taking another approach myself.

For me unconditional love is everywhere, you just have to “open your eyes and see” - I quite often feel grateful that I have chosen a road aiming to express my inner love to the outer world – or as you say it, be the pointer reminding others where to look for love. But even a hateful person for me express love in the sense that he/she is a pointer for me not to follow that road. And that is a much harder road in life than the one I chosen, because those people will never or rarely be met with compassion and respect.

I don't believe in saving people – because I don't believe I have the ability to do that, I can save me and only me – like others can save only themselves. I do however believe that me being true to myself will be a pointer for others wanting to do that themselves, but I can never tell people what to do.

I believe you where giving the “right” pointers ten to twenty years ago, but back then you most likely where not ready to “see” them – I'm positive that you had to go through whatever you have, to get to the stage you are at today. It is like reading a book you have read before, every time you read it you will find something new, something you can't remember reading last time. I believe that all the informations we need to choose our true path is always present, but we will only see what we are ready to see at a certain point in life.

Love Dorthe
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« Reply #7 on: March 26, 2010, 09:39:50 pm »

Yes Dorthe I agree with you all the way.

I also believe that we need pointers in life. I believe we need to have people like us. Like me and you reminding the others where to look for love.

I see the majority of people waking up to love as you might observe a hall full of people groping for a door in the dark. Poor people milling about and spending a lot of time barking up wrong trees in search of something they do not really know. All they know is that something is not fitting in their lives now.

I believe people like us need to be there to say exactly what we are saying in this thread as wayshowers to show them where to pay attention in their search for something that fits better.

I would have been so grateful if someone saved me ten to twenty years of milling in the dark by giving me the right pointers at the right time instead of watching me mill about untill I accidentally stumble on the solutions as to why some things in my life were not working out.

Some grave mistakes can set you back another lifetime. I often wonder if I would have made children, or spent as much attention on sex if I knew what it was all about. I have two sons that I love but I could just as well have been without them. I don't believe we all have to make children in every lifetime.
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« Reply #6 on: March 26, 2010, 04:16:21 pm »

Interesting subject - but then again love always is  Smiley

It's my belief that we seek love to find our way back to the true sense of our selves - which I believe to be unconditional love. I believe that the unconditional love we are is oneness and that is what we are seeking.

Our seach takes us outside our selves trying to find it in another person, but as we develop within we will grow tired of a relationship because we have now explored and in a sense integrated the sides of that other person we needed to develop further within. As we start figuring out that oneness can't be found outside ourselves our relationships will change, it will be more and more based on unconditional love depending on how close we are to our own truth.

I don't think conditional love is bad - I think some people need just that before realizing that keeping to look for love in another person means you will never truly find it. We are all at different stages and even conditional love is unconditional - because unconditional love consist of ALL. And even conditional love will help us grow, develop and move on toward oneness.

Love Dorthe
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Eugene66
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« Reply #5 on: January 10, 2010, 11:24:39 pm »

Yes to all of the above.

I believe we are brave.

There are forces trying to keep us from waking up. We knew that before we came here and we saw some benefit in the situation for ourselves. I like to think we chose a life with these obstacles in order to learn more, experience more, grow stronger.

When you book into a military camp to become disciplined you hate it as much as you benefit from it. Sylvia Brown says that in the afterlife this reality is considered the "Bootcamp" She says as long as you survive it you are a hero when you you are done. Even if you die a hobo does not matter. Aparently on the other side they cheer you just for completing it.

So in this analogy we can say that the aliens are just the camp owners and staff, but we chose the camp.

On a military survival course they drop you naked into the bush somewhere and then you are expected to find your way home. In many ways I believe this life is the same. They drop us off away from oneness and then we find our way back to oneness. Back in oneness there is a blending, a rejoicing of everything we experienced on our journey that we can now know.
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« Reply #4 on: January 06, 2010, 09:08:03 am »

So another question then.
Why is it when we are Love, feel we are we 'forget..

Within our lucid dream, or Maya how come we get scared or scarred enough to think and dream we are something other than Love....

Is it non-light forces
Was it the Annunaki
is the the evil-reptilians?

Or was it intended thus, for us to experience non-love
By choice, as a learning tool so once remembered we would know what we ARE..

With Love
Eelco
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« Reply #3 on: January 06, 2010, 05:54:29 am »

Yes.

I see it thus. We ARE love. We are one with all and everything. Thus this is my universe. My lucid dream.

Sounds arrogant I know but think of this. Arrogance can only operate in ego. It only has value in ego. In God or unconditional love if you will there is no ego thus arrogance does not exist there.

In effect we live in a miracle. The Miracle is in the fact that our dxream or illusion is so real to us, so solid. And yet when we all change our mind we change reality.
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« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2010, 03:22:18 pm »

Well everything we say about love is right. It is when we begin to refference it to certain points in our evolution that we can say its wrong.

While I also believe that everything is love. On an ego level it is not true. For example from an ego level I can say "You lie to me, therefore you do not love me." Thus there is no love between me and you. Even tyhough there is. To us,the ones beliveing there is not, that will be our experience and thus our truth.

But ultimately there is nothing but love showing up in various forms in agreement with the way love understands what we desire. Love in all its unconditionality will keep showing up in any way it reads our minds deeds and intentions trying to be exactly what we want. Sometimes it appears as lies because we believe in lies.

This is ultimately another way how we can describe creation and attraction. We create what we believe because love gives it to us unconditionally. We attract what we believe because love gives it to us unconditionally.
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« Reply #1 on: January 05, 2010, 01:01:28 pm »

I don't think I agree, but do sort of..

I think we have no option, but to love period..
It is after we start thinking about it strange things start to happen and we start somehow prove how much we love...

Love our people and start killing the others to prove how much we love and need to be loved because of it..
It sound perverted maybe, and it is.. But Love is the begining of that too..

I can try to come up with examples of how this could relate to ego, relationships etc..
if you would want me too, but the message I am trying to convey is that love
Is the beginning, the middle and the end.
The Alpha and the Omega..
And how perverted it may look at times.. Love is at its core.. Always..
Difficult to see sometimes, but the way I choose to look at it. Have no other choice..

With Love
Eelco
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« on: January 05, 2010, 12:15:35 am »

I like to think that we are working from seperation to unity. Life thus is a process of learning to become one with all that is. Love is a kind of an incentive and also a goalless goal in the end.

First of all the question is what love are we reffering to? Romantic love? I like to call it ego love because it is a kind of egocentric way of loving. "You belong to me" Well yes I do if it makes you happy but there is another kind of love that does not possess.

In Osho's book Maturity he speaks of the stages of man. Life keeps changing for us and roughly every seven years we change in maturity. The younger people might seek love to validate themself. Seeking someone to replace the love of their parents that they don't have so close anymore once they left their homes they grew up in. Then also later mistakenly we seek the person who completes us and we call them our "soulmate"

Our "soulmate" later also becomes worn out. How many soulmate relationships do you know that became toxic after a while? But in the beginning everyone was swearing that this is a soulmate relationship. "Forever after" It is sad to see how we as a species ignore the writing on the wall and keep trying to create the "farytale" relationship. Some of us fail and fail again and yet we try to "make" it work with another hoping to find happiness that will last forever. Yet statistics prove this is not a realistic ideal.

Yanla van Zandt (Spelling could be wrong) in her excellent book "In the meantime" teaches a more realistic look at relationships. She helps you to see that your relationships are all about you developing your own life journey and the other are companions who come and go through your journey. Just like in school as you graduate into higher grades you leave the teachers behind, in the same way your lovers enter the arena of your life to grow and learn and teach with you for a while untill your crossed paths move apart again.

A mature person can understand that and in time the partings become less dramatical and more friendly. Ultimately the aim is for you to become a complete inter-dependent being. An inter-dependent being does not seek completions from another. Only friendship."I love you but I love myself too."  In fact I love you as I love myself. My love for myself relates to how much I am capable of loving you. I have to love me to love you. There is no other way.

To understand a healthy relationship it would be best for me to quote Oprah and Bercley here.

Quote from: Oprah & Bercley
Five steps to fulfilling relationships

1. I can live without you, no problem.
"I can't live," wails the singer, "if living is without you." The emotion that fuels this kind of relationship isn't love; it's desperation. It can feel romantic at first, but over time it invariably fails to meet either partner's needs.

If this is how you feel, don't start dating. Start therapy. Counseling can teach you how to get your needs met by the only person responsible for them: you. "I can live without you" is an assurance that sets the stage for real love.

2. My love for you will definitely change.
Most human beings seem innately averse to change. Once we've established some measure of comfort or stability, we want to nail it in place so that there's no possibility of loss. Unfortunately, this is another promise that is more likely to scuttle a relationship than shore it up.
The reason is that everything—and everyone—is constantly changing. We age, grow, learn, get sick, get well, gain weight, lose weight, find new interests and drop old ones. Many people fear that if their love is free to change, it will vanish. The opposite is true. A love that is allowed to adapt to new circumstances is virtually indestructible.

3. You're not everything I need.
I'm a big fan of sexual monogamy, but I'm puzzled by lovers who claim that their romantic partner is the only person they need in their lives or that time together is the only activity necessary for emotional fulfillment. Humans are designed to live in groups, explore ideas, and constantly learn new skills. Trying to get all this input from one person is like trying to get a full range of vitamins by eating only ice cream. When a couple believes "We must fulfill all of each other's needs, each becomes exhausted by the effort to be all things to the other and neither can develop fully as an individual.
Sacrificing all our individual needs doesn't strengthen a relationship. Mutually supporting each other's personal growth does.

4. I won't always hold you close.
There's a thin line between a romantic statement like "I love you so much, I want to share my life with you until death do us part" and the lunatic-fringe anthem "I love you so much that if you try to leave me, I'll kill you." People who say such things love others the way spiders love flies; they love to capture them, wrap them in immobilizing fetters, and drain nourishment out of them at peckish moments. This is not the kind of love you want.
The way you can tell real love from spider love is simple: Possessiveness and exploitation involve controlling the loved one, whereas true love is based on setting the beloved free to make his or her own choices.

5. You and I aren't one.
Perhaps you are neither a spider nor a fly, but a chameleon who morphs to match the one you love. Or you may date chameleons, choosing partners who conform to your personality. Either way, you're not in a healthy relationship. In fact, you're not in a relationship at all.
If you're living by the "We are one" ideal, it's high time you found out how terrific love for two can be. Follow your heart in a direction your partner wouldn't go. Dare to explore your differences. Agree to disagree. If you're accustomed to disappearing, this will allow you to see that you can be loved as you really are. If you tend to dominate, you'll find out how interesting it is to love an actual person rather than a human mirror.


Oprah and Bercley

I know this does not sound too romantic but it is more mature. Love is not two people looking at each other but rather two independent people looking in the same direction. Two completes can create wonderful synergy but two dependents cannot. Two whole people will do better than two cripple people.

So it is my belief that we are working through the various stages of love to reach a maturity eventually and therefore we will always seek the highest form of love we can percieve. A lot of women will happily prostitute real love for survival, a lot of money in a good neighborhood, and its good as far as it goes but when you aim to live for spirituality and wisdom then money becomes second on your agenda. Sure it makes things easier but one should not compromise everything for it. At some stage we have to break away from our toys and seek more.

Ultimate love has no definition. It is completely unconditional and whatever happens is accepted. In ultimate love there is no rules and no pretence or masks. There is only the person, you, loving everyone else as you love yourself in the wonderful moment of now, which is the only real moment there is really.
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