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Inner peace.......................


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Author Topic: Inner peace.......................  (Read 272 times)
Eugene66
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« Reply #8 on: December 14, 2009, 07:32:23 am »

Proof That The World Is Nuts. I received this email, thought id share it. 
 
In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.   
(Like THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick?!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

(Much worse than 'going blind!')
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time
Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.  (!?Huh?!!!)

(Let's just think for a minute; is there
any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.
The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool , England  - but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!  That makes perfect sense!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Cali , Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Maryland , USA it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only 'in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.'

(Is this a great country or what?
Well, not as great as Guam !)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Who volunteers for these tests?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(Did our government pay for this research??!!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Ah, geez.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Starfish don't have brains.

(I know some people like that, too.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And, the best for last?

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)
 
Thank ya'll for reading this, if you need to reach me in the future I'll be in Guam !!

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« Reply #7 on: December 07, 2009, 09:06:57 am »

The vampire bats were all weary and hungry after a hard night looking for blood when  chirpy young bat flew in late with blood all over his face.

"Hmmm" they thought. He found some blood. Azn

"Do tell!!" they demanded. watchit

"Ok you guys know when you fly out here you see a mountain? "  Shocked

"Yes yes do tell, do tell."

"Ok then we see the neck in the mountain that we fly through to the valley below where the town is?"   Huh?

"Yess yesss. Do tell do tell." they say moving on closer to hear his story of how he had such a hearty meal that left blood all over his face.

"Then when you fly through town you see that one long black flag pole in the middle of the town hall?"  Undecided

"Yess yess do tell do tell......."

Well I didn't see the flag pole.  Grin 2funny
« Last Edit: December 07, 2009, 09:10:15 am by Eugene66 » Report Spam   Report to moderator   Logged

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« Reply #6 on: November 20, 2009, 04:55:09 am »

Since the new South Africa began when we Voted Mandella in crime went up along with everything else. Today I received this mail and I had to laugh. I will translate some of it to you.

We must be enlightened because we dont have much goods (its stolen), the less we have the better we sleep. Thats enlightened. Wink

We like simple things without tags. We let those who can afford false esteem pay for the tags and we don't compete with the Joneses since the Joneses immigrated to Australia. Grin





« Last Edit: November 20, 2009, 05:11:35 am by Eugene66 » Report Spam   Report to moderator   Logged

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« Reply #5 on: November 19, 2009, 08:23:17 am »

PECANS IN  THE CEMETERY   

On  the outskirts of a small town, there was a big,  old pecan tree just inside the  cemetery  fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful  of nuts and sat  down by the tree, out of  sight, and began dividing the nuts.

'One  for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,'  said one boy.

Several dropped and rolled  down toward the fence.

Another boy came  riding along the road on his bicycle.. As he  passed, he  thought he heard voices from  inside the cemetery. He slowed down to 
investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for  you, one for me. One for  you, one for me.' 

He just knew what it was. He jumped back  on his bike and rode off Just  around the  bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling  along.

'Come here quick,' said the boy,  'you won't believe what I heard! Satan  and  the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up  the souls.'

The man said, 'Beat it kid,  can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' 

When the boy insisted though, the man  hobbled slowly to the cemetery.  Standing  by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for  me. One for you,  one for me.'

The  old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me  the truth. Let's see  if we can see the  Lord..' 

Shaking with fear, they  peered through the fence, yet were still  unable  to see anything. The old man and  the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the  fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a  glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard,  'One for you, one for me.  That's all. Now  let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll  be done.'

They say the old man made it  back to town a full  5 minutes ahead of the  kid on the bike...

 

 

 
« Last Edit: November 19, 2009, 09:04:24 am by Eugene66 » Report Spam   Report to moderator   Logged

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« Reply #4 on: October 29, 2009, 03:47:43 am »

Daydreaming............... I am listening the classical music I grew up with, Beethoven, Mozart and a lot of other old forgotten tunes that many people today dont know where they originated.

I catch myself many times soft staring pockets into space, either listening in bliss or remembering a time when this played.

I find music helps a lot to rekindle old emotional stuckness to get them loose so they can leave me now.
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« Reply #3 on: October 28, 2009, 03:29:38 am »

 2funny 2funny
Net is slow today too but I am reading and enjoying. Smiley
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« Reply #2 on: October 27, 2009, 02:04:25 am »

Having troubles with my internet today. I think SF is down
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« Reply #1 on: October 22, 2009, 04:02:41 am »

Lunchtime is Lunchtime


The office phone rings, one of the employees picks up and says:
"What kind of an idiot is it that dares to phone me in the middle of my lunch break?!?"
The caller shouts back:
"Do you have any idea whom you are talking to...? I am the CEO of this company!"
The employee replies:
"Do you have any idea whom YOU are talking to?"
Perplexed the CEO mumbles: "NO!!!"
The employee heaves a sigh of relieve and say:
"Thank goodness for that!!" and hangs up.
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« on: October 21, 2009, 09:10:50 am »

Some doctor on television this morning said that the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished and, before leaving the house this morning I finished off  a
bottle of Merlot, a bottle of shhhardonay, a bodle of Baileys,  a butle of vocka, a pockage of Prunglies, tha marinder of  a botl of Proziac and
Valum pscriptoins, the res of the Chesescke and a box a chocolets.

Yu haf no idr who fkin gud I fel!!

Preas sen  dis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov inr  pece.
 
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